Mommytalk Monday - Sam's Sleep Routine

Hello again friends!

If you are anything like me when it comes to sleep you love it and can't get enough of it, seriously, like you can't get enough. If a genie came to you and asked for three wishes they would all be for uninterrupted sleep time. But since that isn't happening anytime soon, I am trying to make the best of it and get my little guy on some sort of a sleeping schedule. How is that going you might ask?

Well....

We have tried so many different things and schedules as far as his sleeping goes. When we first brought Sam home we were nervous that he would stop breathing in the middle of the night, so he slept in his mamaroo (which is fabulous by the way) and we both slept in the living room. I don't know why I thought that sleeping with him in the living room would somehow help if he stopped breathing...I'd be asleep. How would I even know if he had stopped breathing? But, somehow I thought it would be helpful, so that is what we did for about 3 days.

Then, we decided that since Chase needed to get a good amount of sleep at night because he would have to work during the day and wouldn't be able to take a nap at home like I could (notice I said could...who has time to nap? I mean, seriously). So, we decided that Chase would go to bed at 9/10 o'clock and he would get up with Sam for his 4 am feeding.

**Sam was already on a feeding schedule from the hospital to eat about 3 ounces every 3 hours, so we kept him on that. Because he was a premie, we were really worried about his weight and growth, so we woke him to feed him. At his 2 month appointment, the doctor told us his weight and growth was great and to let him sleep, so that is what we do now.**

We tried it this way for a couple of weeks with Sam sleeping in the bassinet in our room, but it was difficult because we would have times when Sam woke up in between my time and Chase's time and we didn't know what should get up with him...it was almost always me, which was another annoying thing. I felt like I was getting no sleep at all and that we were trying too hard to schedule our time with Sam.

We have also tried Sam sleeping in his crib. Which he did horribly with because he has acid reflux ,and would pretty much scream the minute he was laid down flat. There was also a terrifying incident of the baby monitor dying from not being plugged up in our room, and our super loud air conditioner which lead to me sleeping through his 4 am feeding and waking at 7 to run into his room and hear him screaming. Tears came and I was so scared that something like that would happen again, so we decided we would hold off on the crib for another couple of weeks.

We then decided we would do his and her nights. I had four nights out of the week and Chase had three. Meaning that when it was our night we would feed him at 11, then sleep on the couch, wake up at 3 or 4 and feed him again, then back to sleep on the couch, and then up at 7 and feed him again. Sound exhausting? It was - if it was your night. When it wasn't your night, you got to sleep in the big queen size bed all by yourself and not be woken up...ahhh heaven...except when you're the mom.

This didn't work because Chase was having a hard time calming Sam down at night, getting him to finish his bottles, and he just wasn't feeling great about the whole situation. Which lead to me being woken up in the middle of the night to take over, which was frustrating and really annoying. But, instead of getting angry and telling him to figure it out or that what he was doing wasn't fair, I prayed about it. Seriously through my exhausted new mom tears, I prayed and prayed that God would help Chase in this new role and help me in being a supportive spouse. What God revealed to me is that there will be times in Sam's life when one of us (Chase or myself) is better equipped. For example, when Sam starts going through puberty and has all kinds of crazy questions about his body, Chase will definitely be taking the lead on that! But, for right now, I am more equipped. That doesn't mean that Chase is a lesser parent, it just means that for this season, I am going to be showing Chase more grace and love as a parent, and hope that he does the same when I feel unprepared and ill equipped.

So, we talked about it and have come up with a way that is working...for now.

Chase takes care of Sam's feeding at 7 am (giving me time to pump in peace, get morning chores done, and begin the day), 7 pm (which lets me finish dinner and pick up a little bit), and 11 pm (giving me time to shower, and finishing doing dishes and laundry). Then, I will do the day feedings at 11am and 3pm, and I will wake up with Sam during the night and nurse him. We don't get to nurse very often because he has to have so many different things in his bottles, so that time at night is our time, and it is very sweet. Then, Sam usually falls asleep in bed with me nursing him on my side and we sleep for a couple more hours until it's time to get up. Co-sleeping was definitely something I thought I would never do, but I know that he is safe from the way I position him and myself, so that is what we do...for now.

Eventually, I would like to be able to transition Sam back to the crib and start working on getting him into more of a feeding/sleeping schedule, but that is for another day.

Hope you found this interesting! I'd love to hear what you do for your little one!

Courtney  

Mommytalk Monday

Hi friends!

I want to start off by thanking all of you who read my last post about my sweet Alexander Nolan. Thank you for the sweet comments and thoughtful prayers and calls. Thank you for seeing his beauty instead of his flaws. And thank you for sharing my story with others. I received several messages last week about how much his life and our experience has helped with whatever they are going through and it means the world to me to know that his short life has had an impact! So, thank you again!

I will be posting each Monday in a series called Mommytalk Monday. I'll be sharing about all things mommyhood - challenges, funny stories, baby milestones, body after baby, life with a baby, etc. I can't wait to share stories with you and connect with other moms so please comment and let me know if you can relate to what I'm sharing!

Today I wanted to share about my very first mother's day!

I was so excited (and lucky) to spend mother's day with my mother and grandmother who drove down from Warner Robins to spend the morning with us and see little Sam get dedicated at church. It was such a great morning and meant the world to me to have them there. Dedicating Sam was the perfect start to my mother's day. I love what the ceremony represents and love knowing that we have such a great support system to help us raise Sam and help him develop a faith of his own and his own relationship with Jesus Christ.

After church we joined Chase's family for a late lunch at Olive Garden which is always delicious (hello stuffed mushrooms!) and always super filling. We always pig out on bread sticks, appetizers, and soup before our meal gets there so it's a great way to have leftovers for dinner. Anyone else order way too much food when they go out to eat?

Thankfully, Chase did not have an afternoon soccer game so we were able to enjoy a family nap! Seriously, the best new tradition we have started as a family is joint nap time on Sundays before small group. Sleep is such a valuable commodity, and sleeping in the same bed does not happen nearly enough now that we are up and down so much at night. We really have come to love getting our family nap in together on Sundays as a way to recharge our batteries together.

We attended small group later that night like we do almost every Sunday and that is always such a blessing and great start to our week. We love our community group so much and am so thankful for their friendships!

Chase was super husband like always and treated me so kindly on Mother's Day. He bought me chocolate covered strawberries, a beautiful necklace, an Origami Owl bracelet, and gave me a back massage! He surely knows how to treat a girl right!

I'd love to hear how you spent your Mother's Day! Or your favorite Mother's Day memory!

- Courtney

Meet Alex

This post has been one that I've wanted to write for a while, but have not found the time to do so, or the right words. I have such fond memories of my little Alex, but also very tearful memories. Tears out of longing to hold my baby boy one more time and missing him so incredibly much, but also tears knowing that he is with the One who loves him more than I can (which to anyone who has ever had children knows is an awful lot).

From our very first ultrasound, we knew that our baby A, Alex, was an active little boy. The doctors told us that he was hyperactive because of his brain's exposure to the amniotic fluid, but we knew that he was just our sweet and active little boy. That was who he was. A mover, a jumper, and a KICKER. That boy would kick my cervix so hard at times that I would have my breath taken away. But I cherished every movement. 

We also knew that Alex was stubborn. He never wanted to show us his head during ultrasounds. The ultrasound sound techs would always tell me how low he was (like I needed anyone to tell me how low my baby was...helloooooo cervical pressure, am I right?!). He always had his hands up and would bury himself so deep down that we hardly had any pictures of his face and head. I thought that perhaps the reason why he was hiding was that God was healing him and that it would be a surprise at birth, but sadly for us, God had other plans for Alex. Later I think I realized that Alex was putting his hands up and hiding his head to tell us that he was more than his condition. He was more than a fetus with anencephaly. He was our son. And he was beautiful.

 At times it was difficult dealing with the doctors because they could be so blunt. At one appointment, Chase and I caught a rare glimpse at Alex's face. The ultrasound tech was pointing out his features when she mentioned his clef lip which was news to us. She immediately apologized to us for so blatantly pointing it out because to her it was another negative condition, but to us it was another beautiful thing about our son. When I asked further about his clef lip, she told me that the doctor would be in to talk to us about it. The doctor talked to us a little about his clef lip, but literally told us that they were only concerned with baby B and monitoring his condition. Alex's condition, his stability, didn't matter as long as it didn't put Sam in danger. This was our reality. 

A harsh but true reality, and we knew and accepted it. The doctors told us that it was unlikely that Alex would make it to birth, and if he did, that he would most likely be born still. But Alex defied their expectations and even gave a big strong kick after he was delivered. 

Alexander Nolan McGarity was delivered via caesarian section on February 19, 2015 at 12:15 p.m. He didn't cry once he was born, which was one of the hardest things for me. I had asked the doctors what we could expect regarding his behavior. Would he be able to see or hear us? Could he breath on his own? Would he move? Would he feel pain? They told us there was no way to tell depending on the extent of his brain deterioration. We decided that no matter what, we would just hold and love Alex however long he was with us. And that is exactly what we did.

Chase will tell people how strong he thinks I have been through all of this, but truly he is the strong one. I had no idea how hard Alex's death had been on him until I received our birth pictures. His face says it all. The joy he felt when he held him for the first time, the heartbreak he felt watching his firstborn son knowing that he would not be able to keep him. And the sorrow he felt knowing that Alex was no longer here with us. He never left his side. He saw him from the moment he entered the world and gave his first and last movement, and held him for the last time when he handed him to me before his heart beat for the last time. I have never loved him more than in these moments.

As hard as Alex's death has been, I take comfort in knowing that Alex was lovingly welcomed into Heaven shortly after his birth and had a peaceful and easy transition. I truly have a peace that passes understanding that I can only give God credit for. I don't know why we couldn't keep Alex with us, and I will never know why. But I do know that God still loves us. God still cares for us. God is still for us. It hasn't been easy to regain my trust in God, and I won't say that our relationship is back to what is was before my pregnancy, but I pray throughout my doubt and mistrust. I pray and keep on believing that God is who He says He is and I focus on the ways God has blessed me. I used to think that God gave us two boys and took one back, but Chase explained another view to me that he had about our boys. He told me that he thought God knew that Alex was not going to be able to stay with us for very long, and because of that he gave us Sam to help us through everything. I choose to focus on the joy of our boys instead of the sadness and on my faith instead of my doubts.

A few verses have truly helped me through this difficult time and I'd like to share them below in the hopes that you might gain strength and endurance through your troubles and challenges. 

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge him, and he will direct your path." Proverbs 3:5-6

"You chart the path ahead of me and tell me where to stop and rest. Every moment you know where I am...You both precede and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head." Psalm 139:3,5

"Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord is the one who goes before you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:8

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?" Romans 8:35

"You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in a bottle. You have recorded each one in your book." Psalm 56:8

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1

"But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls." Hebrews 10:39

"Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens." 1 Thessalonians 5:16

"Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life." Philippians 4:6-7

"Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am." Philippians 4:13

Thank you for reading. All of these pictures were taken by Tammy William of tammywilliamsphotography.com They were also so amazingly paid for by my coworkers who were so sweet to have a bake sale, chili lunch, and dress down day all so that Chase and I could have these memories. Without their help, none of these pictures would have been possible. So thank you again.

- Courtney