Mommytalk Monday - Sam's Sleep Routine

Hello again friends!

If you are anything like me when it comes to sleep you love it and can't get enough of it, seriously, like you can't get enough. If a genie came to you and asked for three wishes they would all be for uninterrupted sleep time. But since that isn't happening anytime soon, I am trying to make the best of it and get my little guy on some sort of a sleeping schedule. How is that going you might ask?

Well....

We have tried so many different things and schedules as far as his sleeping goes. When we first brought Sam home we were nervous that he would stop breathing in the middle of the night, so he slept in his mamaroo (which is fabulous by the way) and we both slept in the living room. I don't know why I thought that sleeping with him in the living room would somehow help if he stopped breathing...I'd be asleep. How would I even know if he had stopped breathing? But, somehow I thought it would be helpful, so that is what we did for about 3 days.

Then, we decided that since Chase needed to get a good amount of sleep at night because he would have to work during the day and wouldn't be able to take a nap at home like I could (notice I said could...who has time to nap? I mean, seriously). So, we decided that Chase would go to bed at 9/10 o'clock and he would get up with Sam for his 4 am feeding.

**Sam was already on a feeding schedule from the hospital to eat about 3 ounces every 3 hours, so we kept him on that. Because he was a premie, we were really worried about his weight and growth, so we woke him to feed him. At his 2 month appointment, the doctor told us his weight and growth was great and to let him sleep, so that is what we do now.**

We tried it this way for a couple of weeks with Sam sleeping in the bassinet in our room, but it was difficult because we would have times when Sam woke up in between my time and Chase's time and we didn't know what should get up with him...it was almost always me, which was another annoying thing. I felt like I was getting no sleep at all and that we were trying too hard to schedule our time with Sam.

We have also tried Sam sleeping in his crib. Which he did horribly with because he has acid reflux ,and would pretty much scream the minute he was laid down flat. There was also a terrifying incident of the baby monitor dying from not being plugged up in our room, and our super loud air conditioner which lead to me sleeping through his 4 am feeding and waking at 7 to run into his room and hear him screaming. Tears came and I was so scared that something like that would happen again, so we decided we would hold off on the crib for another couple of weeks.

We then decided we would do his and her nights. I had four nights out of the week and Chase had three. Meaning that when it was our night we would feed him at 11, then sleep on the couch, wake up at 3 or 4 and feed him again, then back to sleep on the couch, and then up at 7 and feed him again. Sound exhausting? It was - if it was your night. When it wasn't your night, you got to sleep in the big queen size bed all by yourself and not be woken up...ahhh heaven...except when you're the mom.

This didn't work because Chase was having a hard time calming Sam down at night, getting him to finish his bottles, and he just wasn't feeling great about the whole situation. Which lead to me being woken up in the middle of the night to take over, which was frustrating and really annoying. But, instead of getting angry and telling him to figure it out or that what he was doing wasn't fair, I prayed about it. Seriously through my exhausted new mom tears, I prayed and prayed that God would help Chase in this new role and help me in being a supportive spouse. What God revealed to me is that there will be times in Sam's life when one of us (Chase or myself) is better equipped. For example, when Sam starts going through puberty and has all kinds of crazy questions about his body, Chase will definitely be taking the lead on that! But, for right now, I am more equipped. That doesn't mean that Chase is a lesser parent, it just means that for this season, I am going to be showing Chase more grace and love as a parent, and hope that he does the same when I feel unprepared and ill equipped.

So, we talked about it and have come up with a way that is working...for now.

Chase takes care of Sam's feeding at 7 am (giving me time to pump in peace, get morning chores done, and begin the day), 7 pm (which lets me finish dinner and pick up a little bit), and 11 pm (giving me time to shower, and finishing doing dishes and laundry). Then, I will do the day feedings at 11am and 3pm, and I will wake up with Sam during the night and nurse him. We don't get to nurse very often because he has to have so many different things in his bottles, so that time at night is our time, and it is very sweet. Then, Sam usually falls asleep in bed with me nursing him on my side and we sleep for a couple more hours until it's time to get up. Co-sleeping was definitely something I thought I would never do, but I know that he is safe from the way I position him and myself, so that is what we do...for now.

Eventually, I would like to be able to transition Sam back to the crib and start working on getting him into more of a feeding/sleeping schedule, but that is for another day.

Hope you found this interesting! I'd love to hear what you do for your little one!

Courtney  

Mommytalk Monday

Hi friends!

I want to start off by thanking all of you who read my last post about my sweet Alexander Nolan. Thank you for the sweet comments and thoughtful prayers and calls. Thank you for seeing his beauty instead of his flaws. And thank you for sharing my story with others. I received several messages last week about how much his life and our experience has helped with whatever they are going through and it means the world to me to know that his short life has had an impact! So, thank you again!

I will be posting each Monday in a series called Mommytalk Monday. I'll be sharing about all things mommyhood - challenges, funny stories, baby milestones, body after baby, life with a baby, etc. I can't wait to share stories with you and connect with other moms so please comment and let me know if you can relate to what I'm sharing!

Today I wanted to share about my very first mother's day!

I was so excited (and lucky) to spend mother's day with my mother and grandmother who drove down from Warner Robins to spend the morning with us and see little Sam get dedicated at church. It was such a great morning and meant the world to me to have them there. Dedicating Sam was the perfect start to my mother's day. I love what the ceremony represents and love knowing that we have such a great support system to help us raise Sam and help him develop a faith of his own and his own relationship with Jesus Christ.

After church we joined Chase's family for a late lunch at Olive Garden which is always delicious (hello stuffed mushrooms!) and always super filling. We always pig out on bread sticks, appetizers, and soup before our meal gets there so it's a great way to have leftovers for dinner. Anyone else order way too much food when they go out to eat?

Thankfully, Chase did not have an afternoon soccer game so we were able to enjoy a family nap! Seriously, the best new tradition we have started as a family is joint nap time on Sundays before small group. Sleep is such a valuable commodity, and sleeping in the same bed does not happen nearly enough now that we are up and down so much at night. We really have come to love getting our family nap in together on Sundays as a way to recharge our batteries together.

We attended small group later that night like we do almost every Sunday and that is always such a blessing and great start to our week. We love our community group so much and am so thankful for their friendships!

Chase was super husband like always and treated me so kindly on Mother's Day. He bought me chocolate covered strawberries, a beautiful necklace, an Origami Owl bracelet, and gave me a back massage! He surely knows how to treat a girl right!

I'd love to hear how you spent your Mother's Day! Or your favorite Mother's Day memory!

- Courtney

Meet Alex

This post has been one that I've wanted to write for a while, but have not found the time to do so, or the right words. I have such fond memories of my little Alex, but also very tearful memories. Tears out of longing to hold my baby boy one more time and missing him so incredibly much, but also tears knowing that he is with the One who loves him more than I can (which to anyone who has ever had children knows is an awful lot).

From our very first ultrasound, we knew that our baby A, Alex, was an active little boy. The doctors told us that he was hyperactive because of his brain's exposure to the amniotic fluid, but we knew that he was just our sweet and active little boy. That was who he was. A mover, a jumper, and a KICKER. That boy would kick my cervix so hard at times that I would have my breath taken away. But I cherished every movement. 

We also knew that Alex was stubborn. He never wanted to show us his head during ultrasounds. The ultrasound sound techs would always tell me how low he was (like I needed anyone to tell me how low my baby was...helloooooo cervical pressure, am I right?!). He always had his hands up and would bury himself so deep down that we hardly had any pictures of his face and head. I thought that perhaps the reason why he was hiding was that God was healing him and that it would be a surprise at birth, but sadly for us, God had other plans for Alex. Later I think I realized that Alex was putting his hands up and hiding his head to tell us that he was more than his condition. He was more than a fetus with anencephaly. He was our son. And he was beautiful.

 At times it was difficult dealing with the doctors because they could be so blunt. At one appointment, Chase and I caught a rare glimpse at Alex's face. The ultrasound tech was pointing out his features when she mentioned his clef lip which was news to us. She immediately apologized to us for so blatantly pointing it out because to her it was another negative condition, but to us it was another beautiful thing about our son. When I asked further about his clef lip, she told me that the doctor would be in to talk to us about it. The doctor talked to us a little about his clef lip, but literally told us that they were only concerned with baby B and monitoring his condition. Alex's condition, his stability, didn't matter as long as it didn't put Sam in danger. This was our reality. 

A harsh but true reality, and we knew and accepted it. The doctors told us that it was unlikely that Alex would make it to birth, and if he did, that he would most likely be born still. But Alex defied their expectations and even gave a big strong kick after he was delivered. 

Alexander Nolan McGarity was delivered via caesarian section on February 19, 2015 at 12:15 p.m. He didn't cry once he was born, which was one of the hardest things for me. I had asked the doctors what we could expect regarding his behavior. Would he be able to see or hear us? Could he breath on his own? Would he move? Would he feel pain? They told us there was no way to tell depending on the extent of his brain deterioration. We decided that no matter what, we would just hold and love Alex however long he was with us. And that is exactly what we did.

Chase will tell people how strong he thinks I have been through all of this, but truly he is the strong one. I had no idea how hard Alex's death had been on him until I received our birth pictures. His face says it all. The joy he felt when he held him for the first time, the heartbreak he felt watching his firstborn son knowing that he would not be able to keep him. And the sorrow he felt knowing that Alex was no longer here with us. He never left his side. He saw him from the moment he entered the world and gave his first and last movement, and held him for the last time when he handed him to me before his heart beat for the last time. I have never loved him more than in these moments.

As hard as Alex's death has been, I take comfort in knowing that Alex was lovingly welcomed into Heaven shortly after his birth and had a peaceful and easy transition. I truly have a peace that passes understanding that I can only give God credit for. I don't know why we couldn't keep Alex with us, and I will never know why. But I do know that God still loves us. God still cares for us. God is still for us. It hasn't been easy to regain my trust in God, and I won't say that our relationship is back to what is was before my pregnancy, but I pray throughout my doubt and mistrust. I pray and keep on believing that God is who He says He is and I focus on the ways God has blessed me. I used to think that God gave us two boys and took one back, but Chase explained another view to me that he had about our boys. He told me that he thought God knew that Alex was not going to be able to stay with us for very long, and because of that he gave us Sam to help us through everything. I choose to focus on the joy of our boys instead of the sadness and on my faith instead of my doubts.

A few verses have truly helped me through this difficult time and I'd like to share them below in the hopes that you might gain strength and endurance through your troubles and challenges. 

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge him, and he will direct your path." Proverbs 3:5-6

"You chart the path ahead of me and tell me where to stop and rest. Every moment you know where I am...You both precede and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head." Psalm 139:3,5

"Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord is the one who goes before you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:8

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?" Romans 8:35

"You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in a bottle. You have recorded each one in your book." Psalm 56:8

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1

"But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls." Hebrews 10:39

"Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens." 1 Thessalonians 5:16

"Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life." Philippians 4:6-7

"Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am." Philippians 4:13

Thank you for reading. All of these pictures were taken by Tammy William of tammywilliamsphotography.com They were also so amazingly paid for by my coworkers who were so sweet to have a bake sale, chili lunch, and dress down day all so that Chase and I could have these memories. Without their help, none of these pictures would have been possible. So thank you again.

- Courtney

Giveaway Time!

Hey Hey!

I don't know about you, but when I find something that I love, I have to share it with all my friends. That's part of the reason why I started this blog, and what this giveaway is all about! I am so excited to be hosting a giveaway for a fabulous tumbler and notebook set from Rifle Paper Co. and Birchbox! Look at how ADORABLE these are!!

To enter the giveaway, all you have to do is participate in what we in the Mary Kay world call a share call. It's super simple, will help me with my training and help you earn a great prize!

To enter:
1. Watch the video below about Leah's Mary Kay story.
2. Comment below with your email and and let me know that you've watched it
3. I will email you to set up a time for a quick 15 minute phone call to get your opinion on the video.

THAT'S IT.
Seriously.

Just watch a video and give your opinion. You don't have to join or make a purchase. You don't even have to like Mary Kay! Just watch and give an honest opinion. Think you can do that?

You have until April 21st to watch and set up your call with me. The winner will be announced on April 22nd (my birthday!) and if you win I will email you to get your address to send you your prize.

Good luck!

- Courtney

Here's the video:

Life after the NICU

Sam is home! Praise the Lord! We brought our baby boy home Monday afternoon. We were so excited to finally be leaving the NICU after 18 days, but it was also slightly terrifying. I was finally feeling how all new parents must feel when they bring their baby home.

1. Did we really make this thing? The fact that Sam was in my belly less than 3 weeks ago and is now here and thriving (and so stinkin adorable) absolutely blows my mind.

2. Is he eating enough? I feel like I could group this question into an "is he eating/pooping/sleeping/peeing enough, but once you have a baby in the NICU, the scheduling for eating becomes something else entirely. Everything in the NICU is strictly scheduled and enforced. He would have to eat a minimum of 35cc within 20 minutes, or else they'd have to look at putting the feeding tube back in. After his crazy intense day of transitions last week (open bed, all mouth feeds, circumcision) he had 2 bad feeds. He ate 18cc and then 26cc and they had to put his feeding tube back in as a precaution. I understand it, but it doesn't make it any easier to transition from the NICU to home. It's hard for me to nurse him when he has trouble latching and gets tired and I can tell he isn't getting close to his 45cc that he eats by mouth. It's hard for me not to be a milk nazi, but we are working on it.

3. Is he still breathing? Chase and I must check him every half hour or so just to make sure he's still breathing. Again, when he was in the NICU, there was a machine right above his bed to tell us his pulse and how well he was breathing. It's wonderful to not have the alarms going off, but it can also be scary.

4. How should I dress him so he doesn't freeze? We like our apartment COLD at night. I mean put on a sweater and slippers if you get out bed because it is cold, cold. However, now that we have Sam, we are trying to keep the air at a cool temperature instead of so cold. But we still are nervous about his temperature, because once again, in the NICU we checked his temperature with every diaper change. He had to stay between 97.5 and 99.5. Our pediatrician told us only to check him if he feels too warm, so we're trying to do just that.

5. Will I ever be able to sleep more than 4 hours again? No, probably not. But that's ok. Chase and I are taking turns and trading shifts so that we can both try to get 4-5 hours of uninterrupted sleep in our wonderful, relaxing, oasis of a bedroom (cue the lavender essential oil, darkening curtains, and fans...it's seriously amazing and I want to go get in bed right NOW).

6. Has there ever been a cuter kid?! I mean, seriously. I can't get enough of him. His little smiles, his tiny little body, I love this kid so much already.

There are loads more questions I'm sure, but because I'm a parent of a newborn, I can't remember them haha Please continue to send prayers our way. We appreciate them and need them so much.

- Courtney

Updates on Little Sam

First of all, thank you for all of your support and love. Through all of your visits, texts, phone calls, dinners, etc. we have felt so loved!! We can't wait to bring Sam home because we know you all will want to love on him even more.

So, updates:

Last time I updated you, Sam was under phototherapy (those blue lights to help his jaundice go away). They took him off of the phototherapy, but he had to go back under for a few days last weekend because his billirubin levels went back up. This is pretty typical, but now they are very low so hopefully he is done for good! So, now Sam is working on 3 things before he can go home: Temperature, Feeding, No Deceleration. 

Temperature: They were slowly weaning Sam's temperature so that he could come out of the isolette. So the nurses would take his temperature every 3 hours. If his temp was 98 or higher, they would lower the temp in the isolette by .5 degrees C. If his temp was 99 or higher, they would lower the temp by 1 degree. So he started with the temp in the isolette at 31. It took it a while to be lowered to 27 (which is the goal), and once he got to 27, he had to stay in the isolette in maintenance mode for 24 hours. He was able to do that! So, he was moved to an open bed where he would be fully maintaining his own body temp with no warming action. 

Feeding: Sam was doing every other feeding by mouth (either breast or bottle) and he was doing SUCH a good job! They decided to increase his feeds to all by mouth (which is a pretty big deal). He was having to work harder to get his food since he had to use all those muscles every three hours. A nurse in the NICU told me that a baby feeding was equivalent to him running a mile. It's tough work..no wonder he would fall asleep afterwards!

No Deceleration: Sam has to maintain his temp and feedings with no deceleration in his heart rate or breathing.

He was doing all of the above and doing a fabulous job until yesterday. Yesterday was a BIG day. Sam was able to transition to the open bed, all mouth feedings, and my sweet little boy was circumcised. Talk about a rough day for such a little man! Needless to say, Sam was tired from having to work so hard to keep his temp up, eating, and from the exhaustion of the surgery. So, he didn't eat very well at his 3 pm feeding. He only ate about 18 out of the required 35 cc, and at 6 pm he only ate 28/35cc. So, his feeding tube had to be put back in as a precaution. His nurse did tell me that at 9pm he ate 40/35cc and that she hasn't had to use the feeding tube at all! He has done really well all day today too :)

He also had to go back in the isolette because his temp got down to 97.2. He has to stay between 97.5 and 99.5. So, we started the process of weaning and maintaining all over again. He was able to be weaned to 27 degrees at noon today. So, he will have to maintain his temp until noon tomorrow. Then, he can be put in an open bed and will need to maintain his temp for 48 hours.

He also has to pass a car seat challenge. Sam will sit in his car seat for 1.5 hours to make sure that he maintains his temp and has no decelerations.

Once he passes all of these tests we will be able to bring him home...It seems so close, yet so far away! I'm glad he is getting great care and we aren't in a hurry for him to come home because if something were to happen, and he had to go back to the hospital, he couldn't go back to the nicu, he would go to pediatrics...and we don't want that. So, he can take his time because that means that when he comes home, he is home to stay. 

Please continue praying for our little man, all of the nurses and doctors taking such great care of him, and for our patience as we anxiously await his homecoming.

Unbelievably Blessed

Oh. My. Goodness.

Never in my life have I been this exhausted and overwhelmingly happy at the same time. I can only explain it as a new parental high. Our lives have completely changed since last Thursday, and I think we're doing a pretty good job adjusting. I'd love to update you on how everything has been going so far.

Thursday February 19th = Happy Birthday Alex and Sam. I will be sharing all about our birth story later, but I do want to say thank you to all of my amazing work friends and family who helped coordinate fundraisers, made donations, and spent time making sure that the boys' delivery was perfectly captured by a professional birth photographer. I cannot express how grateful I am to have had Tammy available to capture my labor and delivery. Because I had a c section, I wasn't able to immediately hold or really see my babies. Chase was able to go back with the boys right away, and Tammy was able to go as well. She has captured images and moments of my little Alex's life that I wasn't able to see, and I know I will cherish those moments caught on film for the rest of my life.

I want to share more about my sweet oldest son, Alex, but I can't stop crying as I'm typing this, so I think that will also have to wait for another time. All I can say is that he was loved every single moment of his life here on Earth and he was held the entire time by those who love him and want only the best for him, which is what he has now. The only way I think that we are able to get through this is because of our faith in Christ. Knowing that death here on Earth is not the end and that Jesus has gone before us and prepared a place for us gives me a peace that truly passes all understanding. I know that Alex is being cared for by someone who loves him even more than me and I'm just so thankful that God chose me to be his mommy.

Now for the updates on our little miracle, Samuel Ryan McGarity. Sam weighed 4 lbs 10 oz at birth, which was about 10 oz more than I thought he would weigh. He was very pink at birth and was already joking around with the doctors. (When they broke his bag of water and started suction, he grabbed the suction tube in the womb and didn't want to let go haha!) He was taken back to the NICU as a precaution because he was born at 33 weeks and 6 days. He was having to work a little too hard to breathe, so they decided to admit him. I had a steroid shot before delivery to help with his lungs, but he needed a little bit more help, so they gave him some surfactant to help his lungs expand. He was also put on an oxygen tube giving him 27% oxygen. Sam also has an iv that has to be secured with a splint looking object because he loves to try and pull it out.

The NICU doctor told us that Sam could potentially be in the NICU for up to two weeks, which shocked Chase at first. We thought that as long as his weight was above 4 pounds that we would be able to take him home. Now we know a little bit better as he has a long list of tests and milestones that he will have to pass before we are able to take him home. It is challenging going up to the hospital multiple times day and night to hold and feed him, and trying to schedule times for me to eat and pump, but it is so worth it, and he is making great progress.

We started feeds through a tube through his mouth right to his tummy on Sunday, and he has been tolerating them pretty well. He is having a little trouble making sure that all of his food goes from his tummy to the rest of his digestive track, but they are thinking he is just a little immature and that it'll get better the more he eats and grows. He also has a hard time remembering to breath when he goes to town on his pacifier.

They've slowly lowered his oxygen level and as of yesterday morning, he is completely off any extra oxygen!! He's been pretty stable, even when I've tried to nurse him (which is incredible and a whole entire new post), which he's done very well with so far!

He does have some jaundice so he will have to stay under the blue lights and get his phototherapy until his levels are lower. He looks so cute with his little sunglass shades :) This does make it a little harder as far as holding him, because I have to limit it to 30 minutes every 12 hours. Luckily I get a little lead way since he is starting to nurse now, but I can't wait until he is home and we can hold him all the time.

So, now we are waiting on Sam to continue to gain weight and feed well, have more bowel movements to get that nasty meconium out, maintain his body temperature when not under the warmer, and for his jaundice level to go down. He has some other tests that he'll have to pass before he is fully discharged, but we know he will ace them. I can't believe how quickly he's been progressing so we are hoping that he might be able to come home by this weekend (eek!).

I will keep updating as I can (sleep is a precious commodity, so I try to get it whenever I can). I just wanted to say thank you again to everyone who has shared our story and prayed for us. There is no way we would be handling everything as well as we are without your thoughts and prayers, so please keep them coming. I also want to thank everyone who visited us in the hospital, brought us a meal, sent a thoughtful text or left a facebook comment, and those who have given us space to figure out this new parent/family thing. We love and appreciate everything more than we can express, and feel so blessed to have so many great family and friends in our life and in Sam's. You all are the best.

- Courtney

Recent updates from the hospital

The magnesium has been stopped! Hallelujah! That stuff is the worst, but it did get my contractions to slow way down. So now the plan is to take Motrin to make sure contractions are chilled out and to GO HOME TOMORROW!! Yay!! Hoping that everything goes well tonight and tomorrow morning so that I can go home and really rest :) thanks for all the prayers!! 

Hospital Updates

First of all I want to say thank you for all of your prayers and words of encouragement. I was very nervous about sharing Alex's story but I felt relieved that we had so many people, many that I've never even met, in our corner and interceding for us. I also want to thank all of the brave people who have shared similar stories with us. I pray that I can find strength and encouragement through your story and that the Lord continues to comfort and heal you. Thank you all again. 

So, hospital updates. 

Wednesday afternoon we went for our weekly ultrasound and monitoring. It's amazing to me how challenging the ultrasounds are now that the boys are getting so big! We were able to get a weight estimate on Sam - 3.4 lbs! It's too hard to get accurate measurement son Alex because of his condition, so he will be our little mystery until he arrives. 

Speaking of arrival...while I was having my monitoring done, I was having multiple contractions in a rhythmic pattern.  I've been having these for weeks now but since there is no pain, I haven't paid any attention to them. But just to be sure, the nurse thought it would be a good idea to check the length of my cervix via internal ultrasound. (I had been checking "manually" aka fingers to your throat, the week before and was closed so I didn't think much of being checked this week) so, they checked my cervical length and it was only 5mm. A healthy length is 25mm. So they were nervous and so was I. The doctor decided to move me to the hospital to administer meds to slow down the contractions and continue to monitor my cervix for dilation. 

So we moved to the hospital at about 4:30 and have just had SO much fun since then. Here is the lowdown:

- started iv of basic fluids

- was cleared to eat some dinner (hello Wendy's! Thanks to the FIL)

- had my cervix checked via speculum (love that!) was about 1 cm 

- got moved to an actual room instead of a triage room

- started magnesium in my iv, then noticed immediately that my iv site was itching and my arm had swollen up. The fluid was going into my arm. So scary, but everything was fine) 

- got new iv site on my right hand and started a strong drip of magnesium (which makes you feel like you have the flu. Hot all over, burning and watery eyes, muscle soreness, all the fun stuff)

- changed to slow drip of magnesium (much better but still fever like)

- started a new antibiotic drip for an bacterial infection I have

- had a steroid shot at midnight to help with the babies' lungs just in case

- had to insert progesterone capsules into my lady tunnel

- changed rooms 

- got hooked up to some nice compression socks to make sure my circulation was good

All of this while also having a blood pressure cuff, pulse of monitor, and baby/contraction monitoring on the entire time. Needless to say, it is super fun when I try to get up to pee. 

The doctors and new nurses will be making their rounds soon so I will update again later. As far as we know right now we will have to be here until at least midnight because that is when I will get my second steroid shot. They might keep me on the magnesium for 24 hours, so we will check that also. 

Until the next lovely cervical check,

Courtney

Monthly Dates with the Husband

I always struggle with what to get my husband for Christmas. Do you?

So, this year, I decided to get him something that would keep giving all year long and would include something important to both of us - spending time together. We both prefer experiences over material things, so planning monthly dates was something that seemed perfect.

I started with lots of research on pinterest on what some great date ideas would be, then got my envelopes together. I wrote poems for each of the month's gifts and bought some little things to go along with some of the dates. Here is the date for January. :) 

We love to go to a Rockets game once a year, but this year, the timing was just off, so I decided to bring the game to him. 

I started with the snacks. I love to get nachos, and he loves to have pretzel dogs. So I made both. YUM! 

The next step to this being an awesome date was the Rockets tumblers. Chase's brother and his family go to Houston every year for Christmas (so jealous). This year they were able to go to a Rockets game, so I conspired with them to buy some of the tumblers that they sell drinks in. Chase LOVED getting the tumblers as a gift since we don't have any that are for the Rockets. 

The game turned out to be not so great, but we had a fun time on our date :) Can't wait for February! 

- Courtney

The Game Changer

Our 12 week appointment came so quickly. I had been having dreams about getting to see our babies (ah!) again and I really hoped that we could have another ultrasound, but I wasn’t sure how frequently we would be getting ultrasounds. When we first got to the appointment, we were taken back into the room and had a normal office visit. Before the doctor came in, we were told that they were going to do an ultrasound after all, just to make sure that both babies heartbeats were seen since using a Doppler to hear can be a little tricky with two babies. (They wanted to make sure they heard both of them distinctly and weren’t just hearing one heartbeat two separate times). We were so excited to get to see our little peanuts again!

We went in for the ultrasound and there was a student there doing the ultrasound and our regular sonographer also. The ultrasound began and it was incredible! They had grown so much! We could actually see legs and arms and heads and heartbeats. They looked more like little humans and were wiggling like crazy! Chase and I fell in love with our little wiggle worms and could've stared at that screen all day.

The student asked the sonographer to take over because she was having a hard time looking at one of the twins. The sonographer stepped in and they did some more scans. We didn’t think anything of it, because we were just so overjoyed watching them both move.

We went back into the room and waited for my doctor to come in. When she did, we talked about things as usual and I asked a couple of questions about some aches and pains (which are just a lovely, normal part of pregnancy). At the very end of the appointment, she told Chase and I that she wanted us to see a specialist because they couldn’t get a good view of Baby A and that he/she was measuring about a week and a half behind Baby B. She was a little concerned because with our twins being fraternal and each having their own placenta, there shouldn’t be any risk of one twin taking more nutrients than the other, especially not this early in pregnancy.

We were instantly terrified. Our brains went through worst case scenarios faster than anything else and we shared with our families that we were nervous and scared and weren’t sure what was going on. We were reassured by our friends and family that everything was going to be ok and that it would be a good thing going to the perinatologist because they had better equipment.

That weekend waiting was one of the longest waiting periods of my life. We got a call that they would be able to see us the following Monday (only four days after our appointment at my regular doctor). That also scared me. What was so serious that they were able to get us in that quickly? What would we find out?

I prayed so hard that weekend that everything would be ok, but I had a horrible feeling in my stomach that something was wrong. I kept staring at my ultrasound pictures and wondering what could be wrong. I did probably one of the worst things you can do when you’re worried about something, especially a medical something, I googled it. I looked at pictures of other ultrasounds with babies who had Down’s syndrome, Trisomy 18, and all other kinds of chromosomal disorders and genetic disorders, and came across something that I prayed it wasn’t – anencephaly.

We went to the appointment at Savannah Perinatology that following Monday. My heartbeat was racing, but I tried to stay positive and pray that everything would be alright. We went back for the ultrasound and my eyes were again glued to the screen, but this time, it was for a different reason. I was looking for little baby A’s head. I knew everything was ok with him/her and I wanted to see. She started with Baby B and showed us his head and heartbeat and limbs (everything looked perfect), then moved on to Baby A. As soon as she shifted over, I could tell that he was a lot smaller. Then I saw his head. It didn’t look like Baby B’s. It was really odd, but the only way I can describe what I saw was that it looked like roots or branches coming from his head. Where there was supposed to be a nice, thick white line showing his skull, there was nothing but the branch looking things. Chase and I immediately started tearing up and trying to choke back the tears. That’s when the sonographer said, “I’m so sorry. I’m not supposed to tell you this, but I can’t just watch you knowing what I see.” She showed us the difference in both of their skulls, then told us that the doctor would be in shortly to see us.

We waited and cried, and cried some more. We still didn’t know what was happening or why it was happening. What did all of this mean? Was our baby going to live? Was it something that I did that made this happen? Why did this happen? Could it be fixed?

The doctor came in to see us. He sat down in his stool and told us that unfortunately, the ultrasounds were showing that Baby A had a condition called anencephaly. I immediately broke down into sobs while Chase was asking what anencephaly was. I told him that it was a fatal condition. We lost it.

To me, everything the doctor said after that felt like knives being stuck into a numb person. I couldn’t believe that this was happening to us. To our perfect babies.

He explained that anencephaly is a rare neural tube defect in which the neural tube (the tube that the head and body grows from) failed to close completely at the top. He explained that this happened about 25 days after conception, before we even knew that we were pregnant. There was nothing that we did that caused this, and unfortunately nothing that we could do to fix it either. The skull of baby A would not form or grow and what looked like the tree branches were parts of his/her brain. Our baby, if he/she grew to full term, would most likely not survive childbirth, and if he/she did, we would most likely have minutes, maybe hours with him/her. 

We talked with a genetic counselor and more with the doctor then, but I hardly remember most of it. All I knew was that everything was different. All of the excitement and joy I had experienced was suddenly tainted. I wondered what the rest of the pregnancy would be like, if Baby A would make it to our next appointment, or if we would get to find out the gender, or if he/she would make it to birth. I wondered how we would tell our family and friends, and how we would tell the rest of the world. How, if baby A made it to birth, how I would be able to bury my baby. How could we even afford a burial? Would we always be thinking of this baby when we looked at his/her brother or sister? How would we get through this?

I had so many questions. Many of them now have answers, but sadly some just don't. I'd like to tell you that everything is fine now and that the diagnosis was a mistake, but it wasn't. I will tell you that although finding out about Alex's condition was devastating, we haven't lost our faith. In the posts to come I will be sharing more about my growing faith and how this pivotal circumstance has challenged me in ways that I never thought possible. I won't be sharing things from Chase's perspective because that is his own story to tell. We would just ask that you pray for Alex's healing, but also that our family would have peace with whatever is in God's will. We don't want attention or recognition (especially in the form of a facebook group), but would love if you shared our story so that others could pray and in the hopes that our story might touch someone else going through something similar. Thank you.

- Courtney

There's TWO in there?!?

The day of our 8 week appointment came, after much impatient waiting. I felt like it would never get here, and I couldn’t wait to see our little peanut. I wasn’t really nervous about anything until I got to the actual doctor’s office. I started to doubt that I was really pregnant, and I hoped that everything was going ok. There’s just so much that can happen for no reason, but I was hopeful. We went into ultrasound first.

The woman took Chase and I back into the dimly lit room, and then I had to leave to go give a “urine specimen.”  (If there’s one thing I’ve learned about pregnancy, it is that there is a lot of pee involved. People checking your pee, having the urge to pee, peeing on yourself…it just goes on and on).

While I was so gracefully peeing in a cup, the sonographer and Chase were talking. Chase told her how originally I had hoped that we would have twins simply because I’ve always been obsessed with the idea of twins, but that they didn’t run in either of our families so we were sure that it was just one in there. He also told her that we hoped it was one because we were seriously considering using a midwife birth center in town. 

The ultrasound started and Chase asked if he could stand by me and hold my hand during the scan. The sonographer told him yes, so he moved closer to me. The instant she started the scan, my eyes were glued to the screen. Because I had binge watched pregnancy ultrasounds and baby shows for practically my whole life, I knew what I was looking for – that sweet, tiny little moving heartbeat. 

And I saw it.

Then, I saw another one. The sonographer asked me if I might want to reconsider the idea of wanting two when it finally clicked. I said, “There’s two! Honey, look, two.” To which Chase replied, “Huh? Two what? Why is there two? Two? That's more than one. Two? Why am I seeing two things?” The sonographer showed us both of their unique heartbeats and that they each had their own sacks. It was the most magical moment of our lives.

We got lots of pictures of our tiny little peanuts (plural, ah!) and then had to go back to the waiting room to wait for the nurse practitioner to see us. We must have had crazy expressions going on because other people were staring at us in the waiting room, and all we said was “twins.” To which everyone, still to this day, either replied with “Oh wow. Are you sure you can handle twins?” or “Double trouble!” or “Say goodbye to ever sleeping.” We couldn’t even think.

I instantly had a million questions. Were they identical or fraternal? (Fraternal) How did this even happen? (I ovulated two eggs) Could I still deliver vaginally? (Sure, depending on baby position)

We had originally planned on announcing the pregnancy at church during the volunteer service since Chase was doing the welcome, but we couldn’t hold it in. We facetimed my family in the parking lot and showed them the ultrasound pictures. They couldn’t believe it. Everyone was just so excited about their being TWO sweet blessings coming into the world.

We told Chase’s family at dinner that night and they were also shocked but super excited for us. I couldn’t believe it. God had not only blessed us with a baby, but with TWO babies. For someone who has always wanted to just be a mom and love children, this was the greatest news. I felt like I was floating on a cloud and instantly began pinning twin everything and thinking about life with two babies and instant siblings. It seemed crazy, but I was so excited to welcome the challenge, but I had no idea how much of a challenge this pregnancy would be. 

Maybe Baby...or Babies

I've been working on this for a while now, but it's taken me until now to get it on the blog and in front of others. This is the start of our pregnancy story. There are some things I can't wait to share, and some things that I'm not so excited about. I don't quite know what I hope for sharing this, but maybe it will be entertaining or informative or touch your heart. Here goes nothing.

Overwhelmed.

That was the word that came to mind the minute we found out we were having twins. Chase and I had been trying to get pregnant for a couple of months, but weren’t really trying too hard. We didn’t want it to seem like a struggle and knew that God would bless us with a baby whenever He felt ready. We were trusting in His perfect timing.

July 31, 2014, rolled around. I had been working all summer at a great program for kids called Horizons, and Chase had been coaching soccer and had just started working at our church as the middle school program director. We were so looking forward to the new school year and all of the great things God had in store. I had such an excitement to be working with middle and high school students at church, and to start a new school year with more experience.

When I first thought I could be pregnant, I was only a couple of days late. I began praying for my future children each night and just telling God that if this was His timing that I hoped we were pregnant. If this wasn’t His time, then I just prayed that He would help me to be patient until that time came. (Sidenote: I have always wanted to be a mom. I’m the oldest of five children, always grew up babysitting, and couldn’t wait to have children of my own. Becoming a mother is and always has been my heart’s desire.)

The day before I took a pregnancy test, I went to Chase’s parent’s house to do some laundry. We didn’t have a washer and dryer at the time, so we would always take ours to their place and just spend time with them or watching tv or using the internet. This particular day, no one was home. I spent over an hour looking at youtube videos of couples doing pregnancy reveals for their friends and families. I watched ultrasound after ultrasound videos of people expecting twins. Then, I watched way too many gender reveal videos. I couldn’t get enough. (You can see some of my favorites here and here) I was overwhelmed with how excited everyone in the videos were to get such great news. I thought about how wonderful children were and I prayed that I could be patient enough to wait until I was able to be that excited.

The night before I took a pregnancy test, I remember walking our dog, Chandler, with Chase around our apartment complex. I told Chase that there was a very good possibility that we were pregnant. He seemed a little surprised, but approached it in a kind of “we’ll see” attitude. (He had heard me say this to him every time I was more than a day late, so it wasn’t new news). I began thinking and asking him how he thought we should tell our families and friends, but he told me not to get ahead of myself and that we would see in the morning and go from there.

Friday morning, July 31^st, 2014, I woke up bright and early and took a pregnancy test. I only had one test left over and I was anxious to see the results. I prayed that the results, whether negative or positive, were the actual results. I didn’t want to see a false positive or negative, and I just wanted God to show me positive or negative. After taking the test, I put the top on, and laid it face down so that I wouldn’t peek at the results. After about 20 seconds, I realized that I probably shouldn’t have put the test down because it could make it inaccurate, so I flipped it over. And I peeked.

It was positive. 

Kroger Simple Truth Organic

Many of you know that I am a BzzAgent, meaning that I complete surveys and get to participate in campaigns for different products where I receive free samples or products in return for my honest opinion. This month, I had the chance to complete the Kroger Simple Truth Organic campaign for BzzAgent. The BzzKit came with two products: The Simple Truth Organic (STO) Ready to Drink Tea Energy Beverage and the STO Dark Chocolate Bar. It also came with a coupon for a free STO Ready to Bake Bread and STO Greek Yogurt Cup. Yum!

I immediately chowed down on the chocolate bar which is USDA certified organic, a fair trade USA product, and contains 55-70% organically grown cocoa. This year I'm really trying to start adding in more natural and organic products into my life from food to beauty products, and this was an easy add to make. This chocolate bar was delicious and smooth. It was gone before you knew it. 

My husband and I both tried the tea after I chilled it in the refrigerator for a couple of hours. I wish that I could say that I drink tea and love it, but sadly I do not. The only tea that I drink is southern and sweet. I'd like to try and add tea into my diet, but it won't be with this tea. If you are a tea drinker, then you would probably love this product, but it just wasn't for me. This tea  offers as much caffeine as a cup of coffee, but with a clean, focused energy and no harsh chemicals. 

We went to Kroger to buy groceries for the week and I was able to (fairly) easily find the STO Ready to bake bread and STO greek yogurt. 

The bread was available in the bakery section. There were two options available, an italian loaf and a multigrain loaf. I chose the italian loaf because we were making pot roast for dinner and I thought it would pair perfectly, and it did. The bread was quick and easy to bake and tasted amazing. I will definitely be repurchasing this bread for my meals instead of rolls. I absolutely loved it. 

The greek yogurt cups were a little harder for me to find, but that's only because I forgot the organic section had a refrigerated section. I first looked in the dairy section, but upon venturing back over to the organic section, there they were. There were many choices that I could select, but I went with the black cherry on the bottom flavor. This greek yogurt was creamy and the fruit on the bottom added a nice sweetness. I will also be repurchasing this product. 

Have you tried any of Kroger's Simple Truth Organic products? If you'd like to try any of the products mentioned above, I received some coupons and would love to share them with you! 

- Courtney 

December Birchbox Review

December was a fabulous month for Birchbox! I absolutely adored the packaging of my box and all of the products I received.

1. Davines Replumping Superactive - This product was a great one to have included in my box, because I also got to sample the Davines Replumping Shampoo and Conditioner. I love when the entire line is provided so that you can get a good feel for the overall effect. Some people don't like receiving the small samples, because they generally only give you one, but I don't mind. It's also nice because you have 2 extra products to review and earn birchbox points for!

The Replumping Superactive is supposed to thicken fine hair and give your hair back that umph that everyone wants. Overall, I liked this product. I have normal to thick hair, but I could definitely tell a difference after using the shampoo, conditioner, and spray. My hair felt clean but definitely thicker and fuller. My only con with the product is the smell. To me, it was similar to citronella which was a little off putting, especially since other Davines products I've sampled have had floral and delicate scents.
Full size: $39.50 for Davines Replumping Superactive
$25.50 for the shampoo, and $25.50 for the conditioner.

2. Royal Apothic Cuppa Cuppa Firming Tea Treatment Mask - I love using masks on my face because I feel pampered, and they make my skin feel extra soft and clean. This clay mask is infused with a blend of exotic teas and is supposed to leave skin smoother, firmer and more radiant. This mask has a great smell (almost like an herbal tea) and the sample has already lasted me 3 uses and I've got a little under half of the package left. I love how it made my face feel and for a clay mask, it wasn't too drying. It also has some texture in the mask that gives your skin a nice exfoliating treatment. Full size $58.00

Hiding inside the cute little pocket were 3 amazing products.
3. English Laundry Signature for Her perfume - The description says that this scent was inspired by classic country gardens and that it melts top notes of rose geranium with a backdrop of woody spice and musky notes. After one spray of this sample, I was hooked. It smells so deliciously sweet and feminine, but it really reminded me of Britney Spear's Fantasy perfume that I used when I was in high school. Which is still a good thing for me, because I absolutely loved that perfume, but it can become overly sweet if  used too often.
Full size: $70.00 for 1.7 oz.

4. W3LL PEOPLE Bio Brightener Stick - This organic formula gives skin a soft and subtle glow and minimizes the appearance of imperfections, hydrates, and nourishes skin. This product came in a pot instead of the stick, but I think the effect is still the same, I just use my fingers to apply. I use this product mainly as a highlighter and love the effect it gives. It's not too shiny or shimmery and I like that there isn't any glitter effect to it. I also like that it is a natural product as I am trying to start using more of those. This sample will last me a while.
Full size: $33.00

5. Mirenesse Mattfinity Lip Rouge in Sydney - I am not big into wearing lip products, but I was excited to try this as it supposed to give a matte effect and be long lasting. The shade was perfect for Christmas and it was very easy to apply. I found it to be long lasting, definitely matte, and hydrating. Again, this sample is one that will last me a while so I don't think I'll be purchasing.
Full size: $29.00

Overall, I really liked my box this month and I got some great products that I will continue to use. I also appreciated the fact that I had 7 products in my box, which gave me 70 points ($7) to spend in the birchbox store making this box really only cost $3. You cannot beat that. If you aren't reviewing your products, you're crazy, and you need to do so!! Can't wait to see what comes in my January box!

- Courtney

New Year...

New Year, new blog ideas! I'm not going to comment on how long I have not posted a blog post because it's just sad. But I'm excited to get back into the swing of things and am going to be revamping my blog a bit.

What can you expect from this blog?
1. Product reviews - I'm still in love with birchbox, so expect to see reviews and all that good stuff,

2. My Pregnancy Story and all things baby because I'm also going to be a MOM this year! In about 10 weeks to be exact, and I definitely have a story to tell with my pregnancy and about my boys - that's right, fraternal twin boys - Sam and Alex...but more about them later.

3. Natural Products, Tips and Tricks, DIY, etc. I also am trying to do better with eating right and taking control of my health and what I put in and on my body (I'll be trying some all natural, vegan products this year too!).

So I have a lot to be excited about and so much to share. I hope that you can share and relate to this blog as well, so I look forward to reading your comments.

- Courtney